5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date Someone in the Military

(Phew! Chalk this up to my edgiest post title ever! It was a little nerve-wracking to click "publish!")

There was no particular email or conversation that got me thinking about this topic. Rather, it just seems like it's been a post that's been writing itself for the past (almost!) 3 years as I talk to more and more military significant others who have successful relationships. Military life isn't for everyone. Some of us genuinely like it; others of us put up with it because it is a condition of being attached to the person we love. And I want to be clear: those of us who date or marry someone in the military are no better or worse than any other significant other.

Every relationship has its own difficulties; it just happens that when the military's involved, there's a special breed of inevitable obstacles that spring up. And I think, when you start out dating someone, you rarely think about everything that is coming down the pike. But military life (and military relationships) seem to move just a little faster and need more planning than others. If you're teetering on the edge of this particular path, think through the lifestyle before you jump in:

Don't date him/her if you already know you can't be faithful. (And don't date him/her if you believe that "everyone cheats" during deployment.) Period. During John's deployment, I had more than my fair share of people asking me if we were cheating on each other or if we had ever entertained the idea. (Answer: No and no!) Yes, people in the military cheat. (So do people in the civilian world.) But that doesn't mean everyone does, that we all agree with it, or that it's even the "norm." You will be separated from the person you love at some point during their career in the military. If you need physical touch and constant communication so that you won't stray, you need to do some soul-searching. Being apart is hard, but it shouldn't be hard to stay faithful. 

Don't date him/her if you're not resilient. Military life is hard. You're going to move. You will leave your family. You will leave your friends (over and over again). You will  put up with deployment, weird shifts, emergencies, trainings, and a whole bunch of other stuff that will happen at inopportune times and will be the least helpful thing. It's okay to get frustrated, be angry, and cry, but you've got to pick yourself up and move on. If you have a hard time being resilient in the face of challenge (and if you're not willing to try to be), the military lifestyle probably isn't for you. 

Don't date him/her if you care about rank. Uniforms are cute and all and ceremonies are exciting, but really, if you're attached to the rank rather than the person, do yourself a favor and get out now. That's not a healthy way to begin a relationship and it's not fair to the other person. 

Don't date him/her just because of an impending deployment. Deployments put a lot of pressure on everything-- you, your military member, the relationship. They can be tough for people in the most exclusive, committed relationships. If you know that you want to be with that person and you're committed, then go for it! But don't let the sole reason for committing to someone be because of a deployment. Don't ever let yourself be pressured into something you don't want-- it will end badly every time. 

Don't date him/her if you don't have a sense of who you are. I'll say it again-- military life is tough. It can mess with your self-esteem and sense self-worth.You need to know who you are. Have interests, hobbies, and friends. Have a plan for your education and/or career. If your whole identity is wrapped up solely in your service member, it is going to be a tough, lonely life.

Honestly, I think these are good things to think about before entering into any relationship-- no matter the affiliation to the military. (Of course, you might have to modify them a bit, but the basic gist is there.)

For those of you who have been there and have done that, what other advice would you add?

photo credit: Katie Tegtmeyer via photopin cc

Commissary 101: Saving More

There are a lot of misconceptions about Commissaries, especially when it comes to the variety of products and the price of them. It's true, shoppers at Commissaries are able to save money, but I think a lot of people think that the savings are unbelievable (remember this fall's Ketchup Gate?).

By law, Commissaries must sell their products at cost. Commissaries are also tax-free. But... there is a 5% fee that is assessed instead to help with the upkeep of Commissaries. There are also no generic brands available at Commissaries like there are at civilian grocery stores. And, if you're driving a great distance to your Commissary, your savings might be negligible when all is said and done. Still, on average, it is possible to save about 30% depending on what you buy, what's on sale, and what coupons you have. If you want to push your pennies at the Commissary a little further, here are some other ways to do that:

Look for Extra Savings

There are a lot of ways to save at the Commissary. One of my favorite ways (because it makes it feel like Christmas) is to look for coupons. They might be printed on bright paper and taped to individual items, or they might be in tear-off packs or dispensers. These coupons are special and specific to the Commissary. When you see them, make use of them! 

Plan Ahead

Check out the Commissary's Savings Aisle. Once you choose your Commissary, you can see what's on sale and how much of a discount you're getting from the retail price. If you log in, you can also see the price that is specific to your locale. Use this in conjunction with couponing and creating your grocery list to make sure you're getting the lowest price possible.

Ask for Gift Cards

Even though the Commissary is only available for military members and their dependents, anyone can buy gift cards online If you're stuck trying to figure out what you want for Christmas or your birthday, you could always go practical and just ask for Commissary gift cards.

Use Third Party Sites

There are a bunch of military-specific savings sites that will alert you to specials, coupons, and price reductions. I use Commissary Shopper, My Military Mommy, Military Wives Saving, and My Military Savings. I've liked their Facebook pages too and have caught a few great sales because of Facebook alerts.  

Most of these sites, like My Military Savings, will announce Commissary-specific coupons and sales that are happening at the commissary. My Military Mommy does the work for you and will give you the link to coupons along with how to use them (what order to stack them in, if you need to use a rewards card, etc.) and the ultimate price of the item. It takes a lot of the pain out of couponing. 

Download Ibotta

Do you Ibotta? If you don't, you should download it and get started. Ibotta is a phone app that alerts you to extra rebates that you can redeem from grocery store, movie theater, restaurant, and pet store purchases. That's on top of any savings or coupons at the store.  Seriously. It's like extra free money. You just scan your bought items and take a photo of your receipt in order to redeem the extra cash. You cash out with your PayPal account, so you don't have to worry about a credit or debit card. And Ibotta works at Commissaries. No lie. It's pretty great. (If you haven't signed up for Ibotta, please use my referral link! Sign up and redeem any offer within 10 days of sign-up, and we'll both get instant cash!)

photo credit: D.H. Parks via photopin cc

Commissary 101: The Basics

I am a big, ol' wuss. I will admit it. I cry too much, I get nervous too often, and I always am afraid of looking stupid (and often I do, anyway). Venturing into the Commissary and Exchange was really intimidating to me when we first got married (let's remember that I get nervous just going onto base). So if you're new to this whole military thing and are just a little bit nervous about using the Commissary, here are the basics so that you can walk in confidently! 

Don't Park in Reserved Parking

Make sure that that parking spot that you snag right in front of the store isn't reserved for officers or other VIPs. It will be either spray-painted on the spot or labeled with a sign.  That's a mistake that-- thankfully-- I've never made, but I've heard of other spouses who have. Avoid that embarrassment and keep your eyes peeled.

Have Your Military ID
Access to the Commissary is considered part of the military benefits package. The goods you're buying are priced substantially lower than a civilian grocery store and your purchase is tax-free. When you check out, you will be asked for it to verify that you are privy to those benefits, so don't forget your ID. Don't leave it in the car. Take it with you.

Queue in the Check-Out Line

Unlike other grocery stores where it's every man for himself, Commissaries have one line for express check-outs and one line for all other check-outs. Park yourself in the line and wait your turn. There will most likely be an employee at the front of the line who will direct you to the next available cashier.

Avoid Pay Day
If at all possible, try to avoid grocery shopping at the Commissary on Pay Day. I don't think I need to elaborate. Just don't do it. It's not fun.

Tip the Baggers

The first few times, John and I didn't realize that we were supposed to tip the baggers. Neither of us had ever been to a grocery store where you did that! We totally missed the "Baggers Work Only for Tips" sign that I saw after a third or fourth visit. We were so embarrassed and felt so guilty! Here's the deal: Commissary baggers are not volunteers. They are not paid by the Commissary. Their only income is from the tips they receive when they bag your groceries and take them to your car. Make sure you tip them-- even if you take your groceries out to your car, even if you only tip $1. Otherwise, they've effectively bagged your groceries for free. That's not fair.

photo credit: D.H. Parks via photopin cc

6 Care Packages for Spring

John's been home for eight months now! It feels like his homecoming was both so short a time and so long ago! Crazy, crazy, crazy! For those of you making care packages right now, you know how crazy it also feels to be working on boxes for the Spring when there's still snow on the ground. If you're stuck or need an idea, take some inspiration from the Springtime boxes I made last year. And remember, even though it seems dreary, snowy, and grey, Spring is coming!

(Click on each picture for detailed information about decorating and contents! I've got you covered!)

22 Super Dorky Puns for Care Packages

I have to admit, while I was creating care packages, I would wrack my brain and simultaneously crack myself while coming up with puns. So, on the off chance that there's someone out there who is just as goofy and is looking for some ideas, I've created this round up of every dorky care package pun I used last year. It's just what the interwebz needs! 

15 Care Package Ideas to Banish the Winter Blahs

I don't know why, but the winter seemed to be the loneliest time for me when John was deployed. Now that I look back on that time, I made a lot of care packages. If you're stuck with your deployment (or know someone who is), here are fifteen different ideas for care packages. Just click on the photo to be taken to the post where I explain what materials I used to decorate and what each package contained. Happy care-packaging! 

And, for the Sochi Olympics...

15 Books for Your Military Relationship

Being in a military relationship can be stressful-- whether you are a girlfriend of two months of a wife of twenty years. Every day can bring unique challenges, obstacles, and joys. Here are fifteen books-- all recommended by military significant others-- meant to help on the journey!