I keep hitting my limit of patience for this deployment about every other week. There's just a moment in the day where it feels like I physically can't make it to another one. Usually something stupid triggers it-- like I look inside my mailbox, convinced that today will be the day I get a letter from John, and see nothing but annoying junk mail listlessly thrown there. It doesn't matter that the day before I got a letter from John, it still throws me off my game, like the big wuss I am.
I thought the last two-ish months of deployment would be a little easier-- especially because it's spring and the weather's becoming beautiful-- but it's as hard as the rest of the year, albeit in a different way. It feels like this deployment will never, ever end, even though I know we're in the last weeks of it.
I've really tried this year not to let anything about the deployment get me down for too long. It's tough to do sometimes-- especially on special days, during particular times, when I'm not feeling 100%, or when things don't go the way I want them to. But, I think (I hope, at least) that I haven't been a giant wreck of a person for the last 328 days.
I've taken to having mini-pity parties in my car, probably just because there are so many songs on the radio right now that seem to deal with separation of some sort. Maybe I should be stronger and not let anything get me down, but I figure small, controlled freak-outs in my car are better than sustained events. Here are the three songs that help me get over these bumpy places in the deployment.
"I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz
It's a good thing that I only listen to this song on the radio or on my iPod... not on a video. Because, really, Jason Mraz, what is up with your hair? This song may be about desperately trying not to break up, but I think the resolve and earnestness of the lyrics are what really speak to me-- and that's what I hear when I listen to it. Musically, it's a lovely little song, too.
"Daylight" by Maroon 5
Let's be honest: 1) Maroon 5 should always be on your playlist, no matter the topic or situation. 2) If Adam Levine can't make you feel better, you are doomed. Doomed.
And Adam, how can you see into my soul and so clearly articulate what the day before the end of R&R or the beginning of deployment feels like? It feels exactly like this: "'Cuz in the daylight, we’ll be on our own/But, tonight I need to hold you so close."
It's a good song to cry through for three minutes, dry your eyes, and get on with life. And again, just to reiterate: Adam Levine.
"I Will Wait" by Mumford & Sons
Essentially, every Mumford & Sons song sounds exactly like every other Mumford & Sons song. I'm completely fine with that: I love their sound. I can only understand a handful of the lyrics without looking them up, but the ones that I understand from their mumbley Mumford mouths are really inspiring and galvanizing: "So I'll be bold/ As well as strong/And use my head alongside my heart." And then of course, there's the chorus: "I will wait for you." The music is upbeat, so by the end of it, I feel much better. Or, at least I have enough energy to open a tub of ice cream.
What songs do you recommend?